maybe in time..

sometimes you can just be dumb and be a freaking lamp-post.. seriously this all is not worth it! what is he trying to prove to me. oh wells, its hurting but i guess he will not know and seriously can i say he sucks big time now..

im actually beside him and yes, i feel pathetic i guess what i’ve been  told is afterall true. i do feel super dumb. i should have listened. following my heart makes me face the music in a harsh way in which im terribly broken..

its pointless, he knows but i guess he just wish not to care and i feel really used. arr!

i was enjoying my time with him, but somehow time told me that he will never change and that he can never change. how i wish he could open he’s eyes and wake up from his stupid dream in which is hurting and killing me..

this will be right time for me to leave and i guess this time when i prayed its forever and that i will not comeback. its pointless! i really feel shitty! used and lamp-post!! crap! really!! shit hole! i feel like slapping my face a million times..

its hard for me to run away from things that i love and want.. seriously i know i cant bare future with him cause i know he has nothing. i would just probably he happy but not feel secure at all.

frankly speaking i dont even know what am i to him..

well, maybe its the time..

the final straw..

i have defended for him so much, but i guess he never did know or just cant be bothered to realise that i care.. i took the blame, i stand up for him, be there for him, gave him what he needed and wanted. well my love for him made me weak and never did me realised that i never was on his list. but why did he have to be there and tried to be the one..

there were too many times that he have made cried, and now my tears for him. but my heart still aches. he will never know how i truly feel, cause he does whatever he likes. its not that i didnt think, but my heart to him. its not that i dont know that he like that, but i somehow have faith that he was changing..

well if he loves her, i want him to be honest and leaves me without his smiles and happiness and i try to understand that we were never meant to be. even though, they said that if the one you loves comes back, its meant that you are made for each other but i cant have faith and hope on that anymore..

i should have listen to vee and leave.. seriously i didnt realised that he were actually using me, blame it on myself that my love for he made me do all of these..

this is the time..

i have to realised that he can never change..


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