my heart and my mind is still playing the games of which i never want to go through again. too much pain ive felt. im unable to take this anymore, seriously these are all killing me. i just run, but i’ll end up nowhere. im totally confused with everything. i just wanna cry, scream and run as far as i can, but than again i know i cant run away from reality..
i just wanna let go and not hold on anymore. its useless and hopeless, but im just stuck here with the thoughts of you..
please please i beg you please! im on my knees, begging you to never come back ever. please go away forever and please dont ever come back, even though i know i’ll miss you dearly. i just can no longer bare these pains..
no never fail to take me back, everytime i, on the verge of leaving. well, what more do you want from me?
all those around me call me stupid! dumb! stubborn!
well, i had a choice and at that point i believed that you would somehow change, but it was a lie. my hopes were too high, and that it will never be achieved..
ive enough with the tears rolling down my cheeks, with blaming myself for the choices ive made..
you played me out so many countless times, and yet ive give in and still believed that you somehow would realized im still there even though deep inside im breaking down..
through all the things you put me through, i was still there for you, and deep down i know i still am. well, i know ive to fight all my emotions, and tell myself that i deserve better. but than, somehow im just afraid to go out there again as ive been hurt too much by you, and that would be hurt more if i were to go out there..
im gambling with the situation of which you will change, so far in four years there wasnt a least bit you change. your sweet words turned even sweeter which indeed sharpen the dagger which stab through my heart.
there are so many out there who have proved and showed me i deserved better, but than when you came back, i was again caught in the trap. i guess i was just stupid, and was being blind..
i feel so ashamed of myself, because of all my hopes ive on you, ive actually limit on my happiness and that never did settle my heart down..
at times i just wonder, when i look around me and thought that maybe i was meant to be alone in these world. my standards are way too high, and that ive not myself reach that level of standard yet..