i wish you are here by my side, but i know it will never happen.. its all in the past, and i have to carry my bags and move on..
im making plans to leave the country and go to a place where no one knows me at all, and the time difference will be 12hours. it would probably be the best reason on not communicating anyone from back home, it either im sleeping or they’re sleeping..
looking through the apartments the prices of the rents and selling prices, i just have to slap my face. i guess my investment gotta start real soon, if not im not able there..
Fafa, asked me if my departure in the 4 years to come, is it because of him? it seems like i wanna leave before he’s even out. was i too hurt to see him once again, but i still have his pictures and particulars in my phone.
well, i believe one fine day im able to erase him from my phone, and the hope i’ve on him. and tell her that she’s wrong and that the real reason is actually is its hard to find a job here and im just gambling my situation there, maybe i have luck..
however i know it will be a struggle, but what are my chances i will never know if i dont try. but what i know for sure is that we’ll never meet again..
we couldn’t and shouldn’t lay eye on each other again. probably maybe, i will be found there instead of i’m having to find here..
seriously, im just feeling numb. i live each day, day by day like a routine..
here even though im surrounded by people, i feel so alone. the emptiness in my heart just cant seems to go away. leaving doesn’t change anything, its just that im surrounded by strangers and i’m still alone. it doesn’t make a difference anyway. having to cook dinner for yourself, eating dinner yourself, go to the gym yourself, do shopping yourself and walking aimlessly around town by yourself.
here i’ve to try my best to meet everyone’s needs and also expectations of me. probably me being there, i just have to do well in my job and that would be it the only thing that i’ve to do. here, i’ve my parents, my job, my colleagues, my schoolmates, my friends..
i seriously miss drawing, unfortunately my skills went down the drain.. i miss painting, i miss having to stay up late and watch the moon and stars, i miss taking photographs, i miss going to plays, i miss acting..
maybe when im there, i can do all these again.. i dont put my hopes on it, but it would be nice if i can do all these again..