I strongly believe that love doesn’t make the world goes around, probably feeling whole does. Its not like you are not able to live without the love of your life, but it is just that he/she makes you feels whole and not lonely.

Even though you are being surrounded by people, you can still feel dead lonely inside. It is pointless, hoping for someone to make you feel whole, when you are not able to make yourself contented.
I am a person who always wonder what really goes into the minds of each human being, in which state or be as if like they have and the must have a partner in their life, and only then they will be happy.
I have meet and known alot of different kinds of people through out, however it always comes into the same point of every argument that couples will have, is the level of trust and commitment.
The saying of, “there’s always one friend who you’ll keep running to for the best relationship advice, but is single”. But in reality, she is attached just that it’s an open relationship which was literally made her sad but him happy. To her its about believing, if its meant to be, it will be. Well, it always have been referred to me. I am always too busy at work, school, here and there. My commitment was way too much than anyone would expect it to be.
I got a full-time job, go to night classes, have a weekend job during free time I would brush up my photography skills and port folio. Everyday is the same routine, and even though I dread myself, it is independence that I am seeking, going under my own wings and not to hang on to someone else . To me, I just need to fulfill whatever I want before I get someone in my life, as because to me there would be restriction if I am with someone and therefore I need to compromise with him even though I am chasing my dreams.
Well, I have come trough cultures which are to me very hard to believe whats true. as someone who studies the Malay culture, and language and being associated to being a Malay (when my birth cert or ID doesn’t wrote it so, oh wells).
I do more male friends, rather than females as to me, I find them bitchy. Frankly speaking, having more female cousins dominating the whole childhood life of mine seriously sucks big time. Playing Barbies and Dolls, when I just wanted my dad to get me a red racing toy car, and for that was being outcast as I was the Tomboy of the group (This is my paternal cousins, as we were closer when we were younger). It was not only then, but it continued till now. I’m the one with the most number of bones being broken, piercings and all those other stuffs. I can say that all of them are in an relationship, either getting married or engaged or just a relationship which is very serious. Or maybe I am in a relationship, but we just don’t know where we are in each other’s lives. I am just out there flying sky high, could not care less about getting myself one.
Frankly it irritates me when my aunts and uncles asked when I am getting a boyfriend and stuffs. Sigh! Seriously?! It wouldn’t be nice to say if I were to say I don’t want to be a free loader or a gold-digger kind of girl, or just get a partner who is rich but wholesome ugly! or handsome but he beats me up. that is so freaking fucked up!
Anyway, the general public now it that when you reach a certain age (even if you don’t have a stable career, but seriously; what will your children eat if you don’t even earn a salary) you should either, get married or engaged. Sigh! and if you don’t you don’t probably have a definition in life.
And I’ve always wonder why does usually the males avoid in being friends with those Exs who asked for a space and time in their relationship. But they are able to reconsider if they are the one asking for the break-up.
In this modern world now, there are still some who are still stuck in the old ways. Not believing in an open committed relationship and there is nothing is able to start from the starting line. Having a space, means breaking up. And in most cases the females have to lower their heads, for the male and their ego.
I am not being sexist, but it is just simply hard to be in a relationship when you are being judged by your gender. I am a heterosexual. Lately it have been very complicated and rather amusing.
Being friends with both sides are rather awkward, I seriously have to consider both parties. At times, I would just slap my face. One is being do freaking pushy and so traditional that I understand why the other ran away. However convincing the other party that the place in your heart is still for them in the end is a slap on the face, when you know for sure that you just don’t want to break the other person’s heart and so hope that in time the gap between both of you will widen.
One party kept on and on whining and on about things that have been noted from the start.
Its hard for me to defend, and be by the side of the one who is so freaking traditional and only thinks of things the old fashion way.
Some believe that marriage is the solution to almost everything, but to its not cause if it doesn’t resolve there would be a uprising case of divorce happening. Moreover it would be even worse than not getting married, its like getting married used and wasted then thrown away.
Therefore marriage is not a thing that can be rush, it should be an understanding from both parties. Only until the final understanding of being committed to one another is present. However it doesn’t end there, the trust and understand plus tolerance with each other should increase and not decrease. However that ” being stupid or lame” attitude have its limits. It doesn’t mean that you can be super irritating to your spouse.
In all relationship, there should be a privacy present, without it its like we are an open book, no adventure, no mystery to uncover and most of all no excitement. Only with strong trust, privacy is by its side.
For whatever it is building a relationship, is like building a home. A proper planing is require, engineering is a must, and to beatify it all is the interior, the colors will be like stories painted in our hearts…

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