i need….

i need someone who will lead me right (spirit-fully, mentally, emotionally)
i need someone who needs me for me
i need someone who sees me for me
i need someone who looks into my eyes, and unfold my stories i kept deep inside
i need someone who knows that im not always strong enough
i need someone who wipe my tears in my heart, not only those on my cheeks
i need someone who will support me to pursue my passion and dreams
i need someone who will be there for me and i will be there for him

maybe its time that i realized that i need someone to have my back, hear my sob stories share those lame thoughts i have and laugh it off together. but im done trying looking for or changing for people just to make them happy. im tried of being the one who always go for the extra mile.

maybe i should stop trying and all, and just face the world like i always do. keeping my heart numb, and knowing that those are just dreams far from my reach. just like me dreaming of getting my art degree, if only they would have supported me and back me up not also not getting rid of my paintings i would have gotten it. and till now i dont even have a decent diploma.

yes, i have a broken dream and its now a living nightmare with the world i got to face. having 3 freaking jobs to support myself and their wants. at the age of 24, complicated with 3 jobs, working 7 days a week and will only be home at 11pm everyday. upon that, its not a dream ive lost but passion is gone.

i want to start painting again, but im afraid that the masterpiece will end up in the bin again, just like all the other before.

i just wanna leave, but dont have the heart to and plus singapore is small, where else can i go to.

some people get married and get away from issues with their parents, some got away but some just increase the number of issues. 7 days a week of work, cant even help me find or bump into a single decent guy. anyway im done trying and searching, maybe he’s there among the rest of the others, but only god knows i guess.

i feel like quitting my full time job, but where the hell am i suppose to get a new job, if singapore is a place where the harvest foreigners and let their own people die in hunger. home has never been home after all. the pressure at home and in the country is terrible.

now its so much worse for me to pursue whatever i want, not only my parents dont support me but also my own country.


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