suck it up, buttercup!

Its gonna be the third week of crossfit, and I pushed myself hard. I never fail to puke my breakfast, or whatever it was at the first half of the WOD, and my coach was literally proud I puked. Hahaha.. guess Im not gonna have breakfast before next training.

My second week on Paleo, I try my best to stick with it cause I cant just not eat food which was bought for me, even though I asked for it.

I try to get enough nutrients and sleep as much I need to.

Cooked my lunch and pack them for work, same goes with breakfast. It keeps me full the whole day.

People claim that Im kindda in my own space more than ever now. I dont read my text that much often, or reply text quickly. To add on it, I still have about 2000 over whatsApp text from a group I have yet to open and go through it.

My parents got to know I was on crossfit on my second week. Well, like almost everything in life and the decision I made are disapprove. That is the other reason to just find meaning in life and go on somewhere, where life can drive me well. Im a workaholic, and the output is just stress and money. The thing about money is that with and without it just stress me more. Me joining crossfit (making it sound like a cult) yes it hurts me by making me sore, but somehow all that sore in the muscles is much more better off that being hurt emotionally and mentally broken.

I just dont find the need to be with people, at the end of the day just hurts me. So I try not to be present everywhere that just require my attendance but not presence.

Frankly, Im trying to keep my mind at peace. Literally not be that overly caring person others, but trying to learn about the peace I wanna to achieve with myself. It seems that I rather selfish, but I guess there are scarifies that one have to make to keep oneself going and living. Therefore finding a meaning, someday.

I thank crossfit, well frankly it literally made a hell outta me. It made me push harder it doing whatever Im doing and trying to finish what I started. I practically threw my anger, sorrows, unhappiness and all of the other feeling of failure deep inside when I feel like giving up during a WOD, or when I feel damn sore.

It doesnt mean those feelings are being lost during the push, it just makes me push harder. Well would be wonderful, if they would just disappear like time for EMOM. “Suck it up, buttercup!”, they said.

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