there’s always that part of me that just wanna bleed and feels again. that blood gushing out the veins and sipping down my arm, the sizzling pain of flesh being ripped apart from it perfect form..
that kindda pain never gets old, however it reminds me that i still can feel physically pain, not only mentally and emotionally..
that pain which makes you wonder, why do i’ve to feel when my heart and soul is numb..
that pain just keeps me alive of a second, and the next thing i know i’ll cut again..
therefore the cutting will never end..
but somehow, i’ve managed for awhile without the cutting. i’ve kept myself busy that i would be sore at the end of the day, in a manner which it made me stop thinking about cutting..
then i did smoking.. which is an awful thing to start with and yet so hard for me now to quit.
i’m ashamed, saying that i do crossfit and lead a paleo life but i smoke..
sometimes i wished, that my life would actually end. maybe only then people will give a fuck. but what fuck do they gotta give of my own parents don’t give a shit.
i still question my presence on this face of earth till this very day. what’s the point of me being here, if i’m being hurt since day one..
i feel that i’m better of dead…