the door being open..

dreams, both conscious and subconscious act. its either you know you know or you don’t, but at the end of the day you might just get a picture of what is actually happening with it or in it.

it might be a dream, which you tried to strive for, a dream for you to achieve. or a dream which you never planned, and a message that lies behind the dream.

that dream of losing someone, suddenly made me realized that the message is i’ve lost the opportunity to ever make him happy again, no matter how badly i want to make him proud, happy, and support him in every way possible. this is a slap on the face, and i’ve to tell myself that i’ll not be that person anymore. its not that easy to digest, that hope and emotions that were built throughout the years are shattered. i’ve to pull all my courage to leave it all behind..

i’m pretty sure the girl he’s with now, he’ll be with her in the future. i do not want to stop his happiness, him finding meaning to what having a future with someone else besides me. that was a clear picture what will happen in 5 years time, or it might not take as long as it probably thought it will, maybe it will be sooner than i know. he asked me for my blessings, and now i’m giving it to them.

you know that action of blocking him on facebook, twitter, phone, whatsapp and every other social media sort of communication came up to mind. but seriously, i need to be an adult, act professional, but i still feel hurt and afterall he’s not someone who i used to know, but someone who i used to care about alot now he’s should might as well be someone i’ve known for a long time for, and still that someone who i hang on for if i needed any help.

its time to give up the hope and move on, and start finding myself..

that handshake by someone in the box, after my disastrous national day workout of the day opened my eyes and that word of complements in which my dedication and commitment on coming on most of the saturday since March even though i felt like dying after each session. thanks to my coaches, and the three other crossfitters.

the handshake, was a like a door being open making me realize that there are others out there, not him or the person i shook hands with. today it was gesture in which that acknowledged my presence, respect my efforts on finishing what i’ve started and my fighting spirit. i never did dream about anyone in the box, to do so. however i’m thankful.

thus, handshakes most of the time are about business which are being dealt with, it doesn’t usually ends up with you being acknowledged or acknowledging the other party. and it never always mean the door being open.

whatever it is, i’m glad that it moved me to move on, and to carry on.

we might still talk to each other and be normal about it, but my feelings for him will be fading away till his wedding day..




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