i hope..


its hard to start over, especially when i have been holding on to the words that you have spoken over and over again throughout the years. practically, i don’t know where i should start or what i should or should not do with someone else new.  everything was already instill within us and i never doubt whatever i did when i was with in. however i’m wrong..

giving you space, forever understanding our busy schedules, open about being joining in the party and never wanted to tie you down.

i’m sorry that, i didn’t let you know that i love you. sorry that, i didn’t tell you that i care. sorry that, i didn’t tell i’ll die for you if i needed.

at times i just want you to come back, and maybe we’ll just get back where we left. we were each other’s alternative plans but for a long period of time you were my plan A, and i know i was your plan B.

however now, i wish to not have you in my plans in the future. even though its awkward to start everything once again with someone new, as its been a very very long time since i went out with someone i don’t know. and now its about first impression, looks, which all brings down its about lust. the age gap no longer is a factor. its about money, beauty and sex. its rare to find a meaning in mutual understanding, respect and acceptance. in addition girls are more plastic now, with all the powder on the faces. frankly speaking i’m more of that type which don’t even wears eye liner, or trim my brows. so going out being natural and competing the world now its tough. not only that, only a handful of guys can handle girls like me who lifts, train like a beast, no make up but chalk, no heels but shoes and the list goes on..

moreover i’m thankful in getting to meet someone that is able to see through me underneath it all and let me be myself. support me on being better, lift heavier and challenge myself with random knowledge which i find somewhat fascinating and exciting.

the weird thing was that i’m able to be myself, i need not hide how i look, wearing workout attire for the first meet or date, most guys would judged and probably call it a day. what i do and we walked and talked was open, and we can talked about anything that would make us know each other better.

i’m starting to like for him and that i can’t deny but somehow i know its way too fast and that i’ve got to hold my horses. cause i don’t even know if he feels the same way. in someway or another i would like to thank you for teaching me well, for me not to repeat the same mistakes. somehow, you made me to raise my standards but i learnt to compromise with him. afterall, he’s here and you’re nowhere near.

in someway, i hope that he’ll be the one and you’ll realized that you’ve lost me..


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