i need to save myself

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i questioned myself, where does this all lead to. im confused on reading signs, is he in or he is out?

its been a very long time, since i went out with someone i don’t know. i was afraid, of his expectations but somehow am trilled and excited on the adventure that i might go through with this stranger.

i’m glad to say the first one went well, and the second one was great too.

however, in someway reminded me of someone who is in the past. someone who i truly and dearly care about, but things just don’t work out how i thought it would be. therefore i learnt from my past, that i should not hold on to hopes and expectations of the futures that is not being written on the papers.

its kindda corny, cause i sorta fall for him not for him having to remind me of my past, but for him for who he is. that guy, who did made me laugh out of the silliest thing of all, that guy who is tolerate my long walks and being crappy. somehow i got a feeling that he’s the gentleman, i wouldn’t mind spending my night star gazing with.

but im afraid, if this is all another one sided story and at the end of the day, im left broken again.

once i stood still, being there always for that someone for 7years. i dated noone else, and just kept myself preoccupied with myself on work and tons of work. at the end of it, i got left behind.

i do not want history to repeat itself, i don’t know if i can pick myself ever again. its hard enough having to move on, and still be friends with your past and acted like everything is fine and nothing had went wrong. somedays, i still cried and wondered what really happened between what that was meant to be at the end never did was.

therefore, im afraid to lose him even its been just three weeks, two meet-ups and texting random things everyday without fail, i admit he’ve got my heart in his hands.

maybe its been a while since i let go my heart and he was the first after the old flame died off. however it took me awhile to go out there in search for the light.

i can’t force love, i can’t tell him what to do.. if its meant to be it will be. however im sick of waiting..

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