if its..

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I had planned in my head, what to say you but my mind got cloudy upon just looking at your face. I was speechless, acted like nothing was wrong and we are like what we used to be. Frankly speaking, I missed you and I would like to hold on to your touch like before. Unfortunately, I realized that I can’t, that you are not mine anymore to hold on to. You might be there, but it would just never right to have you taken away from her, even though what we have never did really died.

However my heart did died, when you told that when August comes things are gonna take a change. For that I know, whatever friendship we had for this total 8 years may go down the drain. In 2016, our book will be closed forever and to be hidden in the attic. It hurts me knowing that all of this will come to an end and it came sooner than I expected it to be. I have yet to prepare myself for this, and I’m trembling in fear as I seriously do not know how I’m gonna face this.

Maybe in the first place, we should have not meet at all for our Friday the 13th ritual. Its been months since we last met, it was May 2014.

The script I’ve written in my head, for you to know how hurt I was and I still am. How disappointing it is, to be there all these years and just being dumped at the end of the day. My hopes and dreams are being broken, and my heart crushed. Yes, I didn’t l love you the way I should, but I cared and was willing to settle for you which means I’ve accepted you for who you are. For that, it somehow I will never fail to compare any other guys to you. You were like up there in my standards and for who I’m able to see my future with.

I’m able to tell you anything, from how pathetic I was or how kinky and crazy I can be at times. We’ve always been open, and rather comfortable with each other. And somehow I know, that you will protect me.

Moreover you asked me if you asked me if I was moving on, and happy with whoever I’m with. Somehow I’m proud that I was able to say that someone have came in, and made me to have butterflies in my tummy. Even though, its just a start of a new friendship who knows he might the one I’m meant for.

Sad to say, things didn’t fall into place how we thought it would when we were 20. I remembered we told each other, that whatever happens we will still get married at 30. However 6 years later, things change. Maybe we are still the same, but our direction just changes its course.

I’m sorry that I didn’t love you like I love him, the one who was along way with us when we were building our dreams. He was a part of me, and it’s hard for me not to not love him. He’s the brother, I never have, I will always cherish. Like you, someone I’m willing to hold hands with, but somehow have to let go.

If its meant to be, nothing can get it the way. We will be, if its written in the skies..

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