i’m drowning..

sometimes you just have to shut up, and walk away. people will never stop trying to break your heart and hurt your feelings. you turned out to being the rag doll, pushed around everywhere.

i never did get my head around on understanding why i put up with being hurt over and over again. moreover, they know it hurt me, they never stop their action however kept on doing it over and over again. i’m tired of repeating myself like a voice recorder being played on repeat.

somehow, i’ve learn to master the skill of shut up, shut the door and shut the mind. i’ve realized that people who truly know you will always push your limit, on how much more you can tolerate them, till when your bomb will trigger and explode. moreover, you won’t explode because you know that you’ve nowhere else except here with them. therefore, you’ve gotta tolerate with every shit they put you in.

i tried to stay calm and be the best i can to avoid any fights, it cause me to have a war in my mind which no one understand. there’s a darkness that always lurks between the light, and it never fails to break me from within.

the battle that i fight everyday, is deep within me. i don’t always win, or do i always lose.

nobody wants to lose, but we are not always that strong to fight a war on our own. it’s barely impossible to even get a knight to swipe off the enemies, because it’s your own battle. no one is gonna save you, if you are not able to save yourself.

i used to let the blood flow out of the veins, and let the pain out. seeing the blood oozing out from broken vein, that sharp twitch on the open wound. the pain leaves the heart and mind, as soon as you see the blood flow down your hands. you stare at it, till the blood get darker and the trail of blood dried up on your pale skin. you wipe tears, like you’re wiping the pain. but the truth is that the pain never did really leaves

i used to burn, burn and let the lungs cry for help. the air filled with smoke and eyes get watery. even though, there’re people around burning as well, but somehow deep inside you still feel lonely. and you never stop burning, as it somewhat gave you a meaning to share the loneliness with the others who are feeling lost around you.

i used to dance with led lights, and let my mind take me somewhere else. making myself light, and heavy at the same time. holding hands with people who are trying to escape the world. yes, we did went higher than the clouds, but when we fell, we fell hard to the ground. till today one of them is stuck in the shadows, behind the walls of earth. only time will let him out. we miss him..

the endless battles, war and fight is from deep within until the day i could find peace and harmony, i will continue to be strong till someday if i get i to see the light at the end of the tunnel i might be calm one like i was. hopefully i’ll be there to see the joy and happiness that was once in my life, and put back a smile in my heart. before i weathers and the darkness and cold feed on me.


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